Hochuli's BCS Rankings

In the same vein that Gordon Gecko told us that greed is good and can allow you to buy cell phones the size of Mars and endless supplies of coke, I feel the same way about competition. Without competition America would probably be a lot like Switzerland, cold and gay, and red too I think. So it is in the spirit of competition that, I, Ed Hoculi, unveil the NovaFFL BCS Rankings. These rankings offer a more objective counterpoint to Cap's notorious Power Rankings. The BCS rank is an extremely complex calculation of how beastly teams are in this league. It’s so complex that you nimrods would never be able to figure it out if I gave you a million years. I pretty much already forgot how I came up with it. Here's what the computer has to say:


I noticed some interesting things when going through these numbers:

1. First of all the Cutters and Hawks are certainly the class of the league. Not only do they have the top two scoring offenses in the league, but they also have the top two defenses. Cutters are #1 and have scored an insane 33 more TDs than their opponents. They've allowed less than 2 TDs per game, that's just stupid.
   
2. It shocks and pains me to see how high the Field Generals came out in these rankings. I actually considered changing the formula when I noticed this travesty. After I threw up all over my keyboard I regained my composure and looked at the numbers. This team wins every game they should and by a large margin. Of course they lose every game they should as well, but they keep it competitive. Consistency is probably why the formula likes this team cus Hochuli certainly does not. There’s also fucked this weekend, so there’s that too.
3. Dawgs are falling and the Namers are rising , no surprise to see these two teams here. The stats unveiled a misconception about the Dawgs, they actually have one of the best DEFENSES in the league and a pretty woeful offense. Namers are no doubt the hottest team in the league right now and could have an even higher BCS rating (I predict 3rd) after this weekend's cupcake schedule.
   
4. People might be surprised to see Conquest so low with all their raw talent, but bear with me as I, Ed Hoculi, pound out another set at 225 and look at their numbers. Offense is struggling without a reliable QB and the defense is giving up a lot of points as well. This team has only scored 6 more TDs than have been scored against them, take away the cannon fodder we like to call the Merks and Extras and this team is in the RED big time.
5. Upper Deckers, you can see just how much Coach D meant to this team, they have easily the most underrated defense in the league that as of last week was anchored by the ‘ol ball coach. They’re screwed.
6. Not much notable about the Candles/Cougs, we’ll see if Cap has any impact there. Power move by Del removing the malignant tumor that is Big Ron…
7. Extras and Merks, it is almost hysterical how bad these teams are. 26 combined TDs all year to 134 scored against?!?! Ouch….

Matchups to watch this Saturday:
#1 Cutters vs. #2 Briscoe High Hawks
#3 Field Generals vs. #5 No-Namers