Dr. Anne's Polo Comments

WASHINGTON DC— When I arrived in Washington on Saturday morning, it wasn't the typical January day you'd expect on the East Coast. Grey days are predominant, but instead, I found myself under a warm sun, sipping a mint julep while throwing together my notes for my editor. With the exception of 16 Candles, what was also unexpected was the total lack of competitiveness from the new teams brought into NovaFFL.

I was almost sure what was to go down on the polo grounds that morning, and could see the story practically writing itself: "The precision-jackhammer attack of the Briscoe High Hawks stomped the balls off the No-Namers this morning…." But it was not to be. Rather, I saw the new teams struggle on both sides of the ball, and even witnessed the Extraordinaries not rush any players while playing the Cutters.

Even the quick slant play drawn up by Richard Nixon for the Dolphins in the Super Bowl had more sense than this game plan.As I watched this game, I yelled and screamed suggestions at this new team. "Discipline!" I bellowed. "Remember Vince Lombardi!"Alas, my words were not heeded, and the Cutters line had nothing to do all game.

Sweet Jesus! Coach Veizaga… use the blitz! Are you gobbling up acid before game time? Almost as dull was the 10am game between the Upper Deckers and Lee Corso's Merkins. The back and forth with turnovers clearly showed that neither team was ready for the big show. However, Coach D finally stepped up and led his team to a shut out, and had the Merkins wondering what they got themselves into. Coach D is the true savior of the Upper Deckers. He rides a white stallion and chops wood on Sunday. His wife hates sex and drugs.

Coach D's approval rating was recently at 68%, and this may be higher than Commissioner Gentili. Finally, the biggest surprise this week came with a 5-0 shut out of the No-Namers. The consensus among the 1600 sportswriters in town favored the No-Namers by almost two to one… but there are only a handful of sportswriters in this country with enough sense to pour piss out of their own boots. The reasons for the Maddawgs victory are still not clear—or maybe they are, and I still can't grasp the real meaning of what happened.

Perhaps it was merely a case of the chickens coming home to roost, accompanied by three giant condors. I do send my best wishes to the Maddawgs for a game well played.